BREAKING: DeMarcus Cousins Is Heading To New Orleans

Welp, the Woj bomb is officially in. The Celtics chance of landing Boogie Cousins is over. The Pelicans just traded a large haul to get him, and it sucks because the Celtics could have easily matched this offer. The Kings in return are going to get Buddy Hield, Tyreke Evans, Langston Galloway and a first and second round pick. Yikes. That first round pick is probably going to be the 12 or 13 pick, and we could have given Sacramento the potential #1, and Jae Crowder to go with it. This one really hurts. The rumors were flowing tonight because Cousins only played like two minuets tonight in the All-Star game. Refreshing Twitter for the past hour hoping to see a Woj bomb in favor of the Celtics, instead seeing Marc Stein basically shit on my face saying the Pelicans are the heavy favorite really put a damper on my night. At least it will make things some what interesting in the West now. I really hope the Pelicans can make the playoffs, because I really want to see what Boogie and Davis can put together. That combo could be real dangerous. I mean at this point, I guess we try to trade for Jimmy Butler or Paul George. Meh, that doesn’t really have the hype that Boogie does. Welp, looks like I am all in the Markelle Fultz train. Choo Choo bitches!!!!

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Darelle Revis Is A Terrorist?

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Darelle Revis got charged with robbery, terroristic threats, conspiracy and aggravated assault last night while on a visit to Pittsburgh. How the mighty have fallen. This is what happens when you leave the Patriots. You are on a all time high, coming off an amazing Super Bowl winning season, you sign a huge contract with the Jets, and in year two of the contract, basically quit in the middle of the season, and then become a terrorist in the off season.Come on Darrelle, be better. I mean you suck now, but just don’t do terrorist things, not a good look. Also, I watched a video from his lawyer and he said that Revis got jumped by five guys and Revis said “Come on guys, I am NFL player Darrelle Revis, I don’t want any trouble.” There is literally no chance he said that. Also, robbery? Pretty sure he makes like 17 million dollars a year, what is he doing robbing? Maybe he went too hard partying, and dabbled with a little dust? Damn Revis, I didn’t know you liked to get wet.

John Wick: Chapter 2 Was Fucking Amazing

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I’m really not huge into action movies, but last summer when I saw John Wick, I became obsessed. Seriously, one of the most slept on movies of all time. I am a HUGE Keanu guy. In the words of Rodney Dangerfield, he gets no respect. The Matrix, Point Break, The Replacements, and now the John Wick movies, Keanu now has a resume that holds up with the greats like Tom Hanks and Leo. Like I said earlier, not a huge action movie guy, but these movies kick ass. There is a scene where Keanu literally kills a guy by shoving a pencil in his ear hole and slamming his head down. Like who comes up with this shit? I would have to say that in the two John Wick movies, Keanu has probably killed roughly 378 men.  Thankfully they ended Chapter 2 with a minor cliff hanger and Chapter 3 is already in progress, because you bet your ass that I will be at the midnight premier. Also Ruby Rose is pretty good looking.

Wrestlemania Is Shaping Up To Look Pretty Shitty

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Tonight is the Elimination Chamber PPV for Smackdown, and the match itself should be pretty damn good. But last month, we saw Randy Orton surprisingly win the Royal Rumble, and John Cena win the WWE Championship earlier that night. Immediately, fans were not happy that we were going to see Cena vs Orton for the 175th time. With Orton in this mini feud with Bray Wyatt, many people are predicting that Bray wins the chamber match tonight, and goes on to face Randy Orton for the WWE Championship at Wrestlemania 33. Meh, I honestly don’t hate it, I’m glad Bray might get a well deserved push, but I would like to see a triple threat match between Cena, Orton, and Wyatt for the belt. Instead we will probably get Cena and Nikki Bella vs The Miz and his wife, which is pretty shitty. Then we have the Raw side of things, which doesn’t look too promising. At Fastlane, Goldberg will face Kevin Owens for the Universal Championship, which predictably, Goldberg will probably will. With Lesnar vs Goldberg 3 already confirmed for WM, it will probably be for the title, and Lesnar will probably win. And it looks like right now, they are setting up a Roman Reigns vs Undertaker match which will be TERRIBLE. I have no interest in that match, and I don’t think anyone does. Just brutal. One match that has potential to be amazing is HHH vs Seth Rollins. A rivalry that has been brewing for years, sadly may not take place because of Rollins recently injury, which sucks. Hopefully he still makes appearances on Raw, to make the story line better, and can get healthy before April for Mania. As of now my prediction for the card is

Brock Lesnar vs Goldberg for the Universal Championship (Main Event)

Seth Rollins vs HHH

Chris Jericho vs Kevin Owens

Bray Wyatt vs Randy Orton for the WWE Championship

Roman Reigns vs The Undertaker

John Cena and Nikki Bella vs The Miz and his wife

Big Show vs Shaq

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Pretty shitty, and theres also a ton of superstars on the roster left off of the card. So like I said, hopefully I am wrong, because as of right now, that card stinks on ice. Fix it WWE, please.

Mario Kart 64 Came Out 20 Years Ago

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Lets all take a moment to recognize a real one. Shout out to the fucking GOAT. Name a more iconic game, I’ll wait. 20 fucking years ago, I can’t beilive that . But honestly, Mario Kart 64 is the greatest game of all time. I can’t think of a game that is this old, that still holds like this one does. I constantly find me and my friends, who are 24-25 years old, still playing this on the weekends. Not to mention, Don’t Drink And Drive, is a very quick way to drink a Bud Light in about 50 seconds while racing on Koopa Troopa Beach. That is if you are skilled enough to hit the shortcut.

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The N64 is by far the greatest system created, with some of the most classic games. You can play your Mario Kart Wii’s or Mario Kart 8’s (I’ve never played 8, but it looks pretty dope), but you can always find me on the old reliable 64. If your tryna catch these hands in MK, lemme know, because I’m always down to toss some knucks.

One Week Ago, The Patriots Won Superbowl 51

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You have heard it a million, the Patriots were down 28-3, and had the greatest comeback in sports history. Everyone is saying this is the greatest Superbowl in the history of the NFL. It was awesome, it was a roller coaster of emotions, but I would say the Patriots vs Seahawks game was still the greatest Superbowl game of all time. But don’t let that take you away from how fucking amazing this game was. The Patriots came out flat, and straight up sucked in the beginning. When Brady threw the pick six, I started crying. Not balling my eyes out, but tears were defiantly flowing, did the old put the sweatshirt hood on so no one could see I was actually weeping. I was at my lowest, I was weak, I was dead. Then came halftime. I couldn’t stand be a party pooper. Something had to change. We needed to switch things up. Instead of listening to the Lady Gaga halftime show, we made our own show. This Patriots win was 100% dedicated to Lemmy, without him, we stood no chance. Started cranking some Lemmy, aggressively taking shots of Knob Creek and the

next thing you know, the dead man has rose. 

The Edelman catch was just too good. We deserved that catch. The Tyree catch, the Manningham, the Kearse, and now the Julio Jones catch, God has been watching us Patriots fans, and blessed us. The second Brady threw the touchdown is Amendola to make it 28-20, the whole world knew the Falcons had already lost. Just no chance in hell you score again after blowing that lead. Brady was in their heads. I have learned my lesson about 5 times being a Patriots fan, you never count this team out. Never.

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Also, the Patriots already trademarking “Blitz for 6” today is as cocky as it gets. Lets re-sign our whole defense, get a good draft class, and lets win this shit again. I need another parade. LETSSSSSSSSSSSSSS GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO (Thomas Brady Voice)